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I do not always have to be liked by everyone. I do not always have to be liked by everyone. Sometimes when I am walking, I say this over and over in my head. The funny part about this is I am not even super friendly. I am nice but shy enough to shrink in a room full of people. I have no problem skipping big social events or not having 500 Facebook friends. But if I know you, I have a tough time saying no. This has become an issue.
I would like to make decisions that leave everyone happy, but that will never happen. I will avoid making decisions I know I want because I also know someone might be angry or hurt. This avoidance has me flat-lining in goals, suffering through toxic relationships and veering off in other directions just so I can avoid tough conversations. I have even thought of hiring someone to handle my tough conversations.
I think the job title would be "Looking for an 'Oh shit' person. If people see you coming and say 'Oh shit'? We want you."
Tough conversations have been on my 2020 goal list. It is a work in progress but here is what I have come up with so far:
2020 Karen's stop being a baby about the tough conversations to-do list
Be clear about what you want.
Identify the underlying issues of the "problem".
Find an accountability person to review issues.
Investigate the other side of the argument.
Engage in curious conversation with the other party.
Ensure I am properly suited to have difficult conversations at that time.
Say what you mean in clear terms.
Internally scan my emotions and energy, I will bring whatever energy I am carrying into this conversation.
Difficult conversations do not have to be filled with anger.
Accept what people are telling me.
Karen Peabody, LICSW is a therapist and business consultant for social workers and therapists interested in starting their private practice. She founded Forgewell Solutions in East Bridgewater, MA. Her office is a great place to start a private practice. Visit her FOR THERAPISTS page to learn more.